Coping
Coping with the Nursing Home Decision
If your family is struggling to decide whether or not to place your loved one in a nursing home-or if your loved one is already in a nursing home- you may be wondering how you’ll ever cope with the stress.
Depending on your situation, the answer to that question may be found in the experiences of countless others who have traveled this road before you.
Here are some suggestions for coping – from those who’ve been there.
Before You Decide
- Keep the lines of communication open when discussing the nursing home issue. Share information freely among family members, and above all, listen carefully to what the others have to say.
- Don’t try to make all of the decisions yourself. No one should carry the burden alone, and no one should feel left out of the process.
- If you don’t agree with the choices that are made surrounding your elderly loved one, say your piece, but make sure you stick to the issues. Don’t criticize others or sabotage their efforts.
- Be sensitive to the feelings of the prospective nursing home patient. The idea of moving from independent living to a long-term care facility can be a devastating blow. Instead, help him focus on the positive changes the move will bring.
- Visit several nursing homes before you make your decision, and involve as many family members as possible in the visits. Discuss what you observe, and try to reach an agreement.
After the Move
- Call and visit your loved one often in the nursing home, especially during the first few weeks of their stay.
- If you can’t visit the facility – or even if you can – send a card or write a brief note. Mail call is an important time for nursing home residents, and your loved one can keep your note and reread it when he’s feeling lonely.
- Listen as your loved one talks about the people, pets or things she left behind. If she repeats herself, be patient – this is part of the grieving process. Talking will help her heal, and you don’t have to offer any solutions- just listen.
- When you doubt your decision to place your loved one in a nursing home – and you will – make a mental list of all the reasons for your choices.
- Get rid of expectations. Each of your family members has a unique relationship with your elderly loved one, and each will respond to this transition in his or her own way. Give everyone – including yourself – the benefit of the doubt. Assume that you are all doing your very best.
- Become involved with the nursing home’s family council. The council is essentially a consumer advocacy group, which exists to ensure quality of life and care for residents. It gives families a voice in decisions that affect their loved ones. In addition to providing important information, family councils can offer support and resources for the practical and emotional challenges your family is facing after making the decision to place your loved one in a nursing home.